That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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