Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
