An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
