You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
