Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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