Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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