It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
