i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
