There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
