I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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