I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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