I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
