I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
