I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
