I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
