she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
