Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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