About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
