I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
