U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
