My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
