hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
