My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
