I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
