wrigley field is MILF paradise
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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