I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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