I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
