I want to walk on stilts...naked
I smell stomach acid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
