roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
