at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
