but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
