i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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