trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
