A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
