Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a hot homeless man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.