We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car