If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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