He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
