I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
