Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My hand turned me down
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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