apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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