If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
