I wish I could teleport
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
