I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
