i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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