I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
