he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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