the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
