hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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