READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
