Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
