allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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