would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize