I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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