batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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