I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
