Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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