My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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