if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
