Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize