I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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