you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
