Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
