So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
