that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
