onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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