i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
