chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
