we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
